


Abuse, Scum, Jail

by panther



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Eating Disorders, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:49:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2044824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panther/pseuds/panther
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dudley goes to secondary school he realises his parent's treatment of Harry is abuse. Over the years he thinks more and more and struggles to eat when Harry can't. Piers tries to get Dudley to eat but Dudley really struggles until he meets Harry after they have graduated. Only then does he find peace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Abuse, Scum, Jail

**Author's Note:**

> betad by the fabulous . This is my proudest piece is years so I hope the prompter and readers like it.

Life is easy for Dudley as a child. He gets everything he wants and he can point that out to his cousin, who gets nothing, with a giggle. It gets harder at school because even though he bullies people into not being Harry's friend they keep asking why. Dudley goes red in the face and gets angry and shouts but he doesn't actually have a reason. Still, he is young and spoiled and it is easy to shake off that ill feeling. His father hands it all to him on a plate when they reach high school. Sure, they both go to private schools but people can't know about Harry's properly so it doesn't bother Dudley that they lie. In his father's eyes magic is a crime anyway so it isn't that farfetched. Not really. 

Things start to change for Dudley when he is fourteen years old. Well, it starts before but he is fourteen when he stops being able to just shrug off the guilt and carry on as if nothing is amiss. He doesn't want to go on a diet. Sure, he knows he is fat and that it would be better if he lost some weight. He doesn't want to feel out of breath at the top of the stairs and struggle to find clothes that fit him in the shops anymore. Plus, Dudley is well aware that if he wasn't the bully he would be the guy being bullied by everyone else. When he tells Piers he is being put on a diet the other boy shrugs and mumbles about how "It might be ok, you know?" and tells him that he can do it. They are fourteen and don't know how to support each other in that sort of thing yet. Dudley hangs out with Piers a lot and while he can eat things Dudley can't he only eats anything at all when Dudley can pull out his latest tub of fruit too. It contrasts a lot with Harry who gets far less than Dudley and who was too small to begin with. It makes Dudley wonder what Harry does at school and then he wonders why he gives a damn.

At his school, everyone comes from some form of privilege or their parents wouldn't be able to afford to send them there. Piers and Dudley find themselves on the back foot from their first year. They don't come from five bedroom homes with gates around their vast grounds like their dorm mates. Still, one boy always turns up wincing and hiding bruises and Dudley listens to his dorm mates rant and rave and throw around words like 'abuse', 'scum' and 'jail'. He is fifteen when his dorm mate turns up in a cast and he thinks of the time his father broke Harry's arm when they were children. Abuse. Scum. Jail. At breakfast he feels his stomach churn looking at the food. He wonders what Harry is being fed. He wonders if he is relieved to be fed at all or if he can even stomach it after so long on scraps. He thinks of the attack and how Harry saved his life only to be treated like shit, again. That is the beginning of it all. Dudley doesn't eat breakfast that day. Dudley doesn't eat breakfast until his dorm mate gets his cast week off six weeks later. 

He never eats the same way again. When he has meals they are small and he doesn't taste them anymore. He feels disgusted at the way his friend is being treated and then he remembers his family do worse. _He_ does worse. Bully or be bullied. That can't be his reason anymore. He thinks too much and he knows and understands too much. Now that everything has clicked in his mind he can't pretend that it hasn't. Boxing let's him work out his aggression in a safe way and it also gives him focus to think. Thinking hurts. 

Piers crawls into his bed at night when the rest are asleep and they kiss and laugh softly into each other's mouths because this is all new and wonderful. Dudley thinks of what his father would say and then thinks he can't possibly be hated more than Harry. He avoids Piers' touch for two days after that. He isn't ashamed to be gay, he realises, no he is ashamed of his family. It sits in his stomach like a rock. Dudley boxes more and eats less and Piers gets concerned. 

"I can feel your hipbones, D. You have got eat more if you're boxing."

Dudley ignores him. He knows Harry plays a sport. He can't remember how he found that out but he knows that is what the broomstick is for. Harry plays sport and doesn't get fed all summer and then he imagines if he didn't eat this summer or the one before. He imagines trying to do his diet and his workouts when he was fourteen and he hates everything. Christmas looms over him like a dark cloud and he confesses to Piers that he isn't sure he even wants to go home. 

"Why? I mean, Christmas is always amazing for you."

Piers looks genuinely confused and Dudley feels ill. He is spoiled. He gulps a few times and runs his hands through his hair before resting his head on Pier's shoulder.

"My cousin. I keep thinking about my cousin. We're his family and he can never come home for Christmas. It is fucked up. I just realised. It is really fucked up."

"It isn't your fault."

"Not all of it." Piers has nothing to say to that. He bullied Harry just like Dudley did. Dudley made sure that Harry didn't have a friend in the world and it didn't make Dudley feel good. It didn't achieve anything but misery for another person. He thinks of his mother and his father and how they fear that one day Harry will use his magic against them. Dudley can't say that he would blame his cousin. Abuse. Scum. Jail. What they do, what they are and what they deserve and when Dudley goes home for his Christmas dinner he can't finish it. 

Harry might be with friends and people he cares about and he might be alone at school with his friends gone. Dudley knows he has friends but he has no idea how close they are. There is a godfather too but he must surely be on the run and really, Dudley thinks he would rather Harry ate alone than with a murderer. It also says a lot that Harry thinks hanging around with and loving a murderer is a good idea. 

His mother finds him on Christmas evening and brings a box of After Eights and a beer. 

"No. I'm fine."

"But Diddy you didn't finish your dinner."

"You gave me too much. Boxing routine and all that." Dudley mutters, pulling his duvet up around his knees like a barrier between himself and his mother, placing his Play Station remote on his lap like another blockade. He doesn't say that he is wondering about Harry and where and what he ate and who with. His mother would go pale, her eyes would narrow, and she would scowl and storm off and in the end Harry would be punished the minute he re-entered the house. 

Dudley returns to school and for weeks he can't eat dinner. He thinks about Harry and he wonders if there is a way to contact him and then he feels worse. Piers tries to make him eat but Dudley just can't stomach it. He eats enough at his other meals to cope, mostly because Piers makes sure the higher calorie options are on his plate to compensate but he starts to think that Dudley has a problem. 

As the summer approaches he thinks about talking to Harry. He plans conversations in his head and edits himself over and over again. 

"Make sure you eat right, D. You struggle when home. I don't get it but I worry about you."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I'm going to talk to Harry."

Piers just stares at him blankly but Dudley can't explain. 

It all falls apart when the strange looking friends Harry has warn his parents about their treatment of him. They rant and they rave and Dudley sinks into himself because what can anything he does possibly fix what his parents do? Harry doesn't react. Harry doesn't do _anything_ and it sort of scares Dudley. His cousin's eyes are dull and lifeless and Dudley wonders if he is ok but doesn't know how to ask. Harry probably wouldn't answer truthfully and Dudley can't blame him at all. It takes him a few days to decide that if he can't bring himself to talk to Harry and try do _something_ he hasn't even figured out for himself yet then he will just make himself scarce. His parents will mentally torture his cousin enough and he is done with adding to that. Again, he hardly eats because he is avoiding everyone and everything and he can't stomach it. He can't eat knowing Harry might only be getting cold soup between himself and his owl. Dudley doesn't understand how the post thing works but he knows the bird is important to his cousin and he won't let it starve. Harry starves himself instead. 

When Harry's headmaster turns up it is terrifying. His words punch Dudley in the gut and he takes the glass the man ushers towards him with shaking hands. His parents and Harry appear stunned but Dudley doesn't care anymore. He thinks of his dorm mate. He thinks of what his classmates would say if they knew. Abuse. Scum. Jail. What his parents think no longer matters to him. When he hears Harry has an inheritance he sags into the sofa with relief. He will be ok. Financially at least. The fact that Harry has lost his godfather spins in his mind. The way Harry had been quiet and different all summer makes sense and Dudley is glad he backed off. Maybe he didn't make things better but for once he didn't take part in making things worse. 

The headmaster takes Harry away and Dudley struggles through the summer. He spends a lot of time at Piers' home eating when reminded and pouring out his heart. He knows that Harry can't tell people about magic because he has it but Dudley doesn't. Piers listens in stunned disbelief but Dudley is so beside himself over everything that it makes Piers believe him. He reminds him of the time Harry dyed their teacher's wig and how he ended up on the school roof. He points out that before they went to secondary school when did Harry ever do anything to get into trouble with the law? 

"Your parents are fucked up. I mean. Magic is fucking weird and different and my mind is blown to fuck but really? You don't punish a kid for being different. That is like my parents throwing me out for being gay. It is just a scummy thing to do. Fuck that."

"We starved him. We bullied and abused and fucked him the fuck over, Piers. I can't cope with that knowledge. I can't. "

"You were a kid, D." Piers says as he takes Dudley's hands in his. Dudley can't meet his eyes. His hands feel sweaty.

"I knew what I was doing. Maybe I didn't understand everything but I always knew something wasn't right."

"You can make it right, if it matters to you."

The words ring in Dudley's head for months. He knows there is some sort of war going on in Harry's other world and he worries. He can't say he loves or even likes his cousin but he knows he doesn't want him to end up _dead_. He doesn't understand everything but he gets that Harry is involved in a war and that is fucked up because Harry is a kid. Dudley likes to pretend he is grown up and _hard_ but they are still children. Apparently Harry has seen people be killed and that hurts Dudley. He thinks his cousin has been through enough. The more he thinks the less he eats and Piers despairs. 

"It isn't your fault." 

Piers keeps saying it and Dudley keeps remembering the times he bullied Harry, blamed things on Harry, and generally made Harry's life worse because he could. Dudley remembers how long it took him to realise Harry even had a name. 

It feels like his fault. It isn't all his fault but it is his fault in too many ways. Christmas comes again and again he can't finish his meal. His mother asks questions and he doesn't answer. Instead he goes to Piers' house and presses the other boy to his bedroom wall and kisses him until he can't feel it anymore. Piers goes along with it and calls Vernon to say Dudley has had too many beers and will stay there. He wakes Dudley up on boxing day by tracing his too thin ribs but he makes him smile happily and loves him. Dudley goes home determined to do better when Harry comes home. 

He is seventeen. He puts a cup of tea at Harry's door and says nothing. He knows the cup comes down empty in Harry's hand and is washed and put away without a word. He doesn't know what Harry thinks or does. Part of Dudley feels bad for the way he feels over it all. It means nothing really. It makes up for nothing. Apparently in his world Harry is an adult and that makes Dudley happy because it means he is free from his parents. When it is time for them to part ways his parents get angry and Dudley understands it but feels detached. Yes, he grew up in that house but that is all it is. It is just a house. They could probably do with a fresh start anyway.

He doesn't understand anything Harry is dealing with but he understands it is life threatening. His parents hate him for it but he shakes Harry's hand and he thanks him. When is parents are scowling and the Order people are fussing he tells Harry to find him later. 

"I fucked up a lot. I want to fix it. Find me. Let's talk without them, ok? I don't care about your magic. People are different."

Harry is stunned and he nods with empty eyes but Dudley has hope about it all. He has to. His parents find a nice little house in the next county and complain all the way. Dudley hates them for it. The house is better than the one they left and in a nicer area which is safe and offers his mother far more social opportunities. His father can get to work just as easily too. Dudley's annoyance turns to hate. 

He hardly eats a thing at school and they kick him off the boxing team. Dudley doesn't care. 

"He is fighting a war, Piers! Like, Hitler and the cigar guy shite!"

"Churchill?"

"Whatever! It is my cousin, fuck."

"Can you get in touch?" Piers asks, and it is full of sympathy and frowns.

"No." Dudley scowls."It would be unsafe for us for one thing but he never told us and why would he? Do I look like I have an owl?"

"How hard can it be?"

He wants to strangle his lover and kiss him all the same. Maybe there is a way. He stops and he hopes and then the papers start talking about shooting stars and flocks of owls and something inside himself caves. 

The Burrow sounds weird to put it on a letter but Dudley does it anyway a week after leaving school and moving in with Piers. It is all he knows and the worst that can happen is the letter comes back unopened. Piers bursts into their tiny bedroom three weeks later brandishing a letter with a smile on his face. Dudley sinks into his sheets.

Harry's letter is short and unsure but it is in Dudley's hands and that is what matters in the end. It is not hateful. Harry makes it clear he finds it strange that Dudley has contacted him but that he is used to people getting second chances. He offers to meet for a drink one time and Dudley doesn't wipe the grin off his face all morning. Harry says he wants to bring his partner and invites Dudley to bring his or a friend. For the first time in years Dudley eats a breakfast fitting of a man his size. 

When they meet, months later, Harry seems taller and more confident. His partner his huge beside him and unsure of himself in his surroundings. Harry introduces him as Greg and explains he is from a family that has never interacted with Dudley's world before so he doesn't understand everything. Piers suddenly sits up straighter in his chair and Dudley can't help the grateful smile. It feels they are more on an even footing. Magic is in the background but it is not the focus. No, what matters is the cousins. Dudley says sorry for everything he ever did and Harry looks conflicted and then oddly certain a moment later.

"You and I were kids, Dudley. Kids are idiots and we do what others do. I don't blame you. It hurt at the time but I don't. You neither, Piers. It means a lot that you realise. It means a lot to hear you say sorry. I've had a lot of people do a lot of bad things to me. Some say sorry and don't mean it and others don't bother." Harry says calmly. Dudley feels both guilty and angry. He wants to hunt down every person that said sorry and didn't mean it and shout and then everyone that didn't bother at all and punch them. 

He doesn't understand everything that Harry tells him. It terrifies him and boggles his mind and in the end he respects his cousin more than anyone else. He also really hates his parents. Abuse. Scum. Jail. The words buzz around his mind and if it wasn't for Harry saying he has put that behind him and wants to forget Dudley thinks he would seriously be considering marching himself to the nearest police station. 

"I'd like to keep in touch. Christmas cards maybe?"

Harry laughs and smiles and Greg shakes his head.

"I think you are past Christmas cards. If Harry and I can get to where we are I think you can get beyond Christmas cards."

Dudley frowns at Greg, puzzled, and Harry blushes. "I bullied him too." Greg admits. "I was part of a bad group that had bad thoughts put in my head just like you. Then I did some thinking after Harry saved my life. It changed things."

Greg goes into an explanation of a room of fire and a battle Harry glossed over and Dudley can barely keep up. He talks about how he was left burned all over but how Harry visited in the Hospital Wing at their School just like with every other victim left behind. The Death Eaters he left, Greg explains, but the students he treated the same. Dudley doesn't really understand Death Eaters other than they wanted his cousin dead so fuck them all but he gets the picture. 

"Maybe we could meet every couple of months." Piers offers quietly. "I know I wasn't good to you Harry and I'm sorry. But I want to make things right and I think you would like to know Dudley. So what if every couple of months we meet up and we do drinks or a lunch or something. We can do it here sometimes and then, if we're allowed, we can do yours?"

"I think I would like that." Harry says quietly. "Our real world might be a bit much for a while but my house is not so hard. I mean, there is an elf. Dudley met him. He is less of a git now. But other than that it is just a house."

"Elf. Right. Yep. Ok." Piers stammers, as if it is just all hitting him. Harry's story is the past and they haven't seen his wand in person but an elf will be real and in front of him. Dudley can't help laughing. It all feels weird and out of place but somehow right. They don't talk about his parents. Neither wants to. Abuse. Scum. Jail. He won't ever tell them but they don't have to know.


End file.
